Incoherent Ramblings of a Self-proclaimed Diva...

My return....

2010-03-29T16:01:00.002-04:00

So - I haven't blogged in a LONG time... but I am thinking about a comeback... Must get my ramblings in order!!

Stay Tuned!

Just when I think I am doing exactly what I want a dumbass throws a monkey wrench into the mix.....

2006-11-13T20:38:00.000-05:00

Today's Quote:

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese".

So... as some of you know I moved to Cleveland Circle about 8
months ago... well that is over... I have to move. My landlord (Carl Kaloustian)
is a complete nutbag. He entered my apartment and cut the electricl cords to 3
of my personal appliances (wine fridge $380, mini fridge $120, fan $40...) and
proceeded to keep the portion of the cord that plugs into the wall... He did
this because he didn't want me to use them any longer... and then had the
ordacity to threaten me about it...

I recomend no one rent from this dimented jerk again... warn your friends, and know your rights... Tennants have the right to a safe place to live... call your local Consumer Affairs department if you think you are being mistreated... the call is free but the peace of mind is priceless...

6.9% increase in profits for Exxon Mobil... how cute

2006-04-27T13:22:00.000-04:00

Today's Quote:

"The petroleum products we deliver are essential to the lives and livelihoods of Americans. Ready access to clean, affordable energy has been a foundation of our nation’s economic success, an engine of tremendous job creation, and a vital part of Americans achieving their dreams."

-Rex W. Tillerson
Chairman and CEO, Exxon Mobil Corporation

Sweet of Rex to think of us ... in't it?

When you hear 6.9% you may automatically think about what that kind of porfit would do to your bank account. Say you have $10,000 in the bank, a 6.9% increase would mean adding $690 to your balance. But when I hear that Exxon Mobil reported a 6.9% profit for the first quarter I become a little enraged because we are now talking about approximately $540 million dollars! I'm sorry you did you hear that??? $540 MILLION DOLLARS. Profits rose from $7.86 BILLION to $8.4 BILLION... I decided to visit their website... the following is how they explain why they price gas the way they do:

(visit http://www.exxonmobil.com/corporate/ for more information)

Everyday I listen to the news, and gas prices are amoung the top issues duscussed everyday. American's are outraged by the high costs. Airline ticket prices are rising, public transportation costs are rising, heating costs are rising and while all us little people spend and spend and spend on day to day living, the men upstairs are licking their lips. They tell us they care then act like they don't...

Congratulations Exxon Mobil - for your fortuitous windfall. I'm glad my hard-earned money is making someone rich...

-me

And so it begins......

2006-04-03T14:04:00.000-04:00

Today's Quote:
Massachusetts has been the wheel within New England, and Boston the wheel within Massachusetts. Boston therefore is often called the "hub of the world," since it has been the source and fountain of the ideas that have reared and made America.
- Rev. F.B. Zinckle

I made the move!! Ths past Saturday I moved into a one-bedroom apartment in Brighton. Living alone is so relaxing... the only neurotic behavior I have to put up with is my own... HA... I can have parties, or be alone any time I want. It is very refreshing!!

I definatly need to get some decorations for the walls, and am in desperate need of extension cords... but if those are my only problems I am pretty good shape.

All I want is to be happy... and I am working on it. I am really working on it.

Miscellaneous Ramblings... and the introduction of My Opposite Twin......

2006-03-01T09:30:00.000-05:00

Today's Quote:

"I had a friend, and we always used to pretend to be twins. We had this fantasy about going to Hollywood together. We were about four. "
- Radha Mitchell

So... yesterday I was chatting on AIM with M.O.T. (My Opposite Twin) and I realized that I have not introduced her to my blog readers... M.O.T. is just that... we are complete opposites... I am tall and African American - she is short and Puerto Rican American. I am fancy - she is not. I can't tell you how much fun we used to have together... (I miss her - she no longer lives in Massachusetts) Anyway... we used to go to bars or whatever together - say someone was alking to me I would be like "Have you met my twin?" HILARIOUS!! We are to each other what Danny Devito and Arnold were in the movie... HA!! Hey M.O.T. remember the time I got a piece of lettuce stuck in my esophagus and then spit/puked it up on your wall?? (Laughing hysterically as I type) - WOOO Boy - those were the days!!

So today is the day... I am going to make my final decision on an apartment in Cleveland Circle... I WANT THIS APARTMENT - perfect location... lovely apartment... wish me luck...

I am seriously considering doing my kitchen with pink appliances and accessories... I don't want to seem like a girlie nutbag though... I'll ponder it a little more before I make my final decision on that... One thing I am SO excited about is moving my wine refridgerator in... and setting up a bar-type area. Ok... I'm a weirdo!! But a loveable weirdo - with a great wine collection - don't you think??

I need to buy a couple artists canvases so I can paint a few pictures for the wall. I am leaning toward an abstract tryptick of some brightly colored flowers... funny how people use the word abstract as a disclaimer nowadays... to let people know that it may not look like anything... but somewhere along the way you had a flower in mind... all kidding on the abstractness of the pieces... I can actually paint pretty well... I fully expect that upon my demise (98 years - give or take - from now) that these paintings will be valued somewhere in the million dollar range - HA - get your checkbooks out!!

- me

Just Another Manic Monday....

2006-02-27T13:05:00.000-05:00

Today's Quote:

"I am ready for love why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom to be held in your captivity
I am ready for love all of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow I'll say the same thing
I am ready for love would you please lend me your ears
I promise I won't complain I just need you to aknowlegde I am here
If you give me half a chance I will prove this to you
I will be patient kind faithful and true
To a man who loves music a man who loves art
Respects the spirit world and thinks with his heart
I am ready for love if you take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach and do the best that I can
I am ready for love here with an offering of
My voice my eyes my soul my mind
Tell me what is enough to prove I am ready for love
I am ready"

- India Arie, Lyrics to I Am Ready For Love

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately... a lot of really insightful blogs... so I wanted to give a little shout out to all the blog authors out there... what a community we have!!

Now the ramblings...

I am feeling really apathetic today - disinterested - melancholy - and I can't really figure out why. My life is going alright. Since my acceptance of the new job in television I have been EXTREMELY HAPPY... but today is different. I feel like something is missing. I moved in with my mom a couple years ago because her house is really close to my old office. But I left that job in December to work in Boston again, and now I am faced with an aggravating commute everyday that eats away at me. Sure I relish the alone time. I like being able to just sit in my own quiet and read or listen to my iPod and not feel like there is someone I am ignoring... the fact of the matter is during my commute I ignore everyone! But I have to leave my house at 7am in order to get to my office for 9am... and leave at 5pm only to arrive home at 7:30. My soul longs for my own apartment. A little corner of the world that I don't have to share with anyone... if I want all my kitchen appliances to be perpendicular or parallel to each other no one will have any reason to care... or if I want to leave the TV on all night no one will notice. It isn't that I don't have the money to get my own place, but I am back in school, and paying for it myself... what if I don't get any financial aid on year? What will I do then? And lets be realistic... Boston is crazy expensive!! I don't really want to live in some freakishly small apartment! Picky?? Why yes I am!!

I can't help but think that my melancholy is more than the whole apartment thing... I think it has to do with the fact that I am actually tired of being single. Strange to hear myself say (or type as the case may be) these words because I have always been the serial bachelorette. Happier doing what I want instead of making compromises for other people... but I feel alone - and it's sad. I have friends, but we all know that it isn't the same. I feel things changing around me and I see my friends sharing moments with their significant others... who should I share things with? I always called guys that I was "seeing" my insignificant others, and now that joke instead of making me smile, makes me sigh... I used to have so much fun with Mr. K. and I shit all over that by never letting go, or giving in... now we are like "nothing" to each other - hardly even friends... we chat here and there, sometimes meet up, but not in each others lives... and in his place - where I used to put these "disposable" men - I now have no one... it's like I don't want to waste my time or something... and instead of wasting time I am biding it... six of one, half dozen of another...

-me

I'd like to Teach the World to Sing.....

2006-02-24T13:50:00.000-05:00

Today's Quote:
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
- Aristotle

Random thought;

I don't know if I have ever told any of you this, but I HATE bananas... I haven't eaten one in over 12 years. The last time I ate a banana I threw up and now I can't stand the thought of them. It's funny though because I have thrown up because of booze too (haven't we all), but I continue to drink. HAHA.

Now on to my ramblings...

What has happened to TRUE Hip Hop and good music in general? I am tired of listening to the music that artists are putting out. I mean... I bob my head to the beat, but what on earth are the talking about? NOTHING... ass (girls with big ones, and getting some), money, jewelry, grills... Damn... if that is what our generation is reduced to then we are in seriously sad condition. Call me old fashion, but I really enjoy The Roots, Common, A Tribe Called Quest, Erykah Badu, Lenny Kraitz... I'd rather hear lyrics like "...there are times when you need someone, and I will be by your side..." (Love goes out to the people who actually know the name and album of that song) instead of "oooo boy your lookin like you like what you see, won't come over and check up on it..." (No surprise that all of you probably know this song)... I'm no hypocrite... I listen to the radio, all I want to know is when it became the norm for music to be so shallow?? We wonder why our children are having sex at younger and younger ages, and why drugs are running rampant through schools, but the lyrics of the music these kids are listening to are telling them to get high and have sex... Um... HELLO!! Self-fulfilling prophesy...??!!

Music used to be about voicing social angst... crooning about love... should we assume that musicians no longer are in touch with their pain? Are they too far removed from their humble beginnings now that they are sitting in their $5.9 million dollar Malibu mansion sipping their $1000 per bottle champagne preparing a ridiculous monologue for their 12 minute spot on MTV Cribs?? Here's a solution... lets stop buying their albums so that they have to downsize - they can then re-connect with the pain they made them famous to begin with...

If Aristotle is correct, which I suspect and believe he is, Beyonce is in serious trouble... at the rate she is going all she repeatedly does is shake her ass... what kind of personal excellence is that? unless it's just an act...

-me

Ladies and Gentlemen... Thank you for joining our tour... If you'll look out your left window, you will see a MORON...

2006-02-21T22:21:00.000-05:00

Today's Quote:
"Elaine should really get away from these guys. She is bogged down by this trio of morons. She just needs healthy relationship."
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Ok... am I wrong or are there complete morons everywhere I go?

Today, for example, I was on the train... and instead of acting gracious, this over-indulged ass monkey starts coughing and coughing like he has the plague... and unlike any normal person with at least a modicum of social graces HE DID NOT COVER HIS MOUTH!!

Then I was walking at a nice pace through Harvard Square (trying to get to the Red Line) and this Brittany-Jessica-Lindsay-Olsen Twins looking thing steps out of the Garage right into oncoming foot traffic... and instead of either stepping out of the way or walking with the people, she chose to stand and look up at the sky... I mean she was looking up a the friging sky... during rush hour in a busy section of the city!! What is the deal with these morons????

Have they no clue that they are morons? Do they not realize that there are social norms that people follow in order to keep things in order? That people need to use these norms to keep the order?? Grrr...... it's not like it's hard...

Here are rules 1 through 5

1. On an escalator - standers stay to the right, and walkers go to the left
2. In an elevator if you are standing near the buttons, you should offer to push the buttons for people as the enter
3. If you are holding hands while walking down the street, either stand close together so faster walkers can go around, or be prepared to play an involuntary game of Red Rover!
4. At Starbuck... it is IMPERATIVE that you both remember your name, and your order so you don't try to take someone elses's drink (early morning commuters my kick your ass for this violation)
5. If you sneeze or cough - COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH

-me

Monday holidays... Saving grace..........

2006-02-17T23:37:00.000-05:00

Today's Quote:
"...You don't feel you could love me but I feel you could"
-Paul Simon

Ah.... is there anything more relaxing than a Monday Holiday? Knowing on Sunday that you don't have to go to work the next day... and on Monday you can completely do anything you want. There are no expectations for what you sould accomplish or what you need to do. You can run errands and putter around and who cares?

i bought a new featherbed today. I am really excited. My bed is now the most comfortable place on earth... 400 count egyptian cotton sheets and a down comforter and the featherbed... its great... A safe haven!

Not an awesome post today, but you get what you get and you don't get upset (right MAC???)

-me

Warning: this entry contains personal opinions that may be offensive if you are very ugly – I take no responsibility if your feelings are hurt

2006-02-16T12:01:00.001-05:00

**Warning: this entry contains personal opinions that may be offensive if you are very ugly – I take no responsibility if your feelings are hurt**

Today’s Quote:

“If you’re fucking ugly or need a step stool to look me in the eye… don’t kick it to me.”

-unknown

I have never met a person, be they ugly, fat, tall, thin, beautiful… whatever, who didn’t know exactly what they were. Do you know what I mean? Pretty people know they are pretty and ugly people know they are ugly. It is as simple (and complicated) as that. Now… there are things that people can do to enhance their best feature and minimize their worst feature (make-up, body slimming lingerie, put lifts in thier shoes, etc.), but at the end of the day… you are what you are. There is often intermingling between these groups, the pretties marry the uglies (Heidi Klum and Seal)– the shorts marry the talls (Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise)… It is really up to the people involved and therefore..........

I would like to make a declaration…

I won’t marry… hell I won’t even date a tiny ass man. If we are standing next to each other and I can see the top of your head (bald spot to eye-ball is never hot!) it just won’t work. I am 5’11” after all, I love high heels, and I like to slow dance. I’m sorry, I don’t find it romantic to dance cheek to boob! I’m like a roller coaster – height restriction strictly enforced.

I’m pretty… and I’m not attracted to men who look like a gopher-rat mix. I won’t apologize for it either… I can be friends with ugly people (I think – I don’t have any UGLY friends right now but I have in the past) but please all you ugly men, if you and I are friends – obviously platonic friends – DO NOT TRY TO KISS ME!!! It will freak me out, I’ll feel badly about having to yell at you, and we won’t be friends anymore.

Please don’t misunderstand… all people deserved to be respected and I have respect for all people regardless of looks, race, or creed!
And all people deserve to be loved… pretty, ugly, short, and tall alike… just not all by me!

-me

An Affair to remember......

2006-02-15T16:25:00.000-05:00

Today's Quote:

"Great love affairs start with Champagne and end with tisane."

-Honore de Balzac

As my loyal readers know, I had an affair with Swedish Fish. I lusted after their innocent and nostalgic flavor like a junkie lusts after crack... ok, that may be a little over dramatic, but if you happened to run into me during my affair you would know that I was really hooked. HOWEVER, the joy Swedish Fish brought me was not without consequence... after my routine visit to the dentist it has been brought to my attention that I have CAVATIES!!!! My once virginal un-decayed teeth are no more... they are now branded with an Enamal colored "D". Will Pop-Ice forgive me? and take me back? doubtful... my indecression was overt and blatant. Who can I run to?

-me

Valentine's Day... doesn't get me down

2006-02-14T15:16:00.000-05:00

Today's Quote:

"Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you fall forever"

- Author Unknown

I keep hearing all these single women as they rant and rave about their deep hatred for Valentine's Day. What is the big deal? When you're in great relationship and your boy buys you a beautiful bouquet of the deepest red roses, or takes you on a romantic date the "holiday" is just divine. Why then can't single women use Valentine's day as a reminder of how nice it is to be in a loving and nice relationship instead of letting jealousy rear its ugly head? I won't lie... there were years when I seriously considered burning mementos in effigy and drank until I couldn't remember why I was drinking... but with age comes wisdom, and so here I sit on yet another Valentine's Day on which I am single and I feel oddly calm. Now I will not pretend to be in a festive ensemble, or that I came into work and handed out adorable gifts to all my co-workers - but I will say that if I had thought about it I would have. I have re-vamped my feelings on the day... I think that it should be a "holiday" that marks the IMPORTANCE of love, the BEAUTY of love, the POWER of love... I don't pity myself for not being in love, but instead I am really looking forward to falling in love... once and for all!

-me

MBTA etiquette..... this means you!

2006-02-13T12:05:00.000-05:00

Today's Quote:

"New York, New York
The Morning News Guide to Urban Etiquette: New York City
by The Editors
We see all kinds of behavior in New York, and as citizens, we practice our own varieties. Call it research, this constant bumping-into, hustling-over, spitted-on; some people behave well in this city, others don’t. The Editors complied this guide to help the tourist and veteran alike in navigating New York in the best possible manner.
We see all kinds of behavior in New York, and as citizens, we practice our own varieties. Call it research, this constant bumping-into, hustling-over, spitted-on; some people behave well in this city, others don’t. Based on good and bad examples of etiquette we’ve witnessed, this guide has been compiled to help the tourist and veteran alike in navigating New York in the best possible manner.

On the Subway Platform

When entering the subway station pay utmost attention to the movements of the other travelers. Look for holes in the wave of those walking up the stairs and try to enter without disturbing the flow of human passage. Be hardy: despite whatever stress may come from trying to reach the subway platform, do not, under any circumstances, act upon your frustration – by groaning, rolling your eyes, standing still in contempt, etc. – you will only pain yourself in the face of an uncaring mob.

It is a law of physics that no two physical bodies can occupy the same point in space at the same time. Thus, when your train arrives, always let passengers off the train before you get on. This is no situation to be messing with physics.

On occasion, you may find your train pulling into the station as you are still descending the stairs. In such a case, put spring into your step and attempt to get aboard. If you are successful: bravo. If you are unsuccessful: pay it no mind; you’ll wait. If you’re halfway in-between and are trying to wedge the doors open with your satchel: give it up. It’s rude to the other passengers who are trying to reach their destination and the train conductor – a staunch proponent of urban etiquette – will never stand for it. Barely missing the open doors and appearing truly sad will sometimes melt their steely glare, but attempting to force your way on board will never – never – be met with pity.

It is always rude to bleed near someone, especially in a crowded train station. If you find yourself bleeding while waiting for the subway, excuse yourself and find a nearby dressing station. In the worst case scenario – where your head feels light and you’ve forgotten your name – go to a hospital. Do not board the train.

The subway platform exists for one purpose only: a place to bide time until your train arrives. And bide you will. When the occasion arises that fellow biders ask you for directions, make the most of it. You’ve time to kill and what better way to let it pass than helping someone out? If you don’t know which trains they should take, consult a map. Discuss possible routes and suggest worthwhile eateries and attractions they’ll find on arrival.

There is nothing more aggravating than a percussion performer on the subway platform, especially one that uses plastic tubs as drums. Do not offer money or encouragement to this person; save it for the violinist, the guitar player, or the mime.

In the Subway Car

If riding alone, keep to yourself. Read your book, listen to music (whether portable or imagined), stare at your feet. Don’t engage other passengers in mild conversation; they’re preoccupied with the same activities and usually don’t wish to be disturbed. The very act of riding the subway is a performance in itself. While many riders may secretly wish to have a chat with you (you may be very hot), they are far too involved – as should you be – in complete submersion in their chosen character: that of the mute.

If riding with friends, you may, of course, speak freely with them. Keep conversation personal, quiet, and, whenever possible, not about any of the other passengers’ appearance or fashion choices. In this case, keep to yourselves.

Subway trains are often crowded; if you’re standing by a door as the train pulls into the station, and you’re not getting off, get off anyway and allow people to exit the train, then rush back in before the next wave starts moving.

Pregnant women, old people, the disabled, people with strollers, and children deserve seats more than you, unless you fall into one of those categories, at which point ‘duking it out’ will decide who sits down. You are under no obligation to relinquish your seat just because someone asks for it, but if they’ve gone so far as to ask, it’s likely they need it more than you do."

I live in the Boston area and ride the "T"... here are a few things I would like to add...

I am SO SICK of ass-holes and their backpacks on rush-hour trains too... is it too much to ask that they remove the pack from their back so as not to smack innocent bystanders? IS IT?

And... I know this is a fucked up thing to say, but if you are really fat, DON'T TRY TO SQUEEZE YOURSELF INTO A SEAT!!!!!!! I mean really... the other day this oversized woman wedged herself in the seat next to me, then proceeded to rest her arm on MY LEG... as if it were her own! Total disrespect!

-me

Kiss my Ass... how's that for PC???

2006-01-02T15:51:00.000-05:00

Today's Quote: (I couldn't choose between the following 2...)

"I am having trouble being politically correct. How about if I'm just theoretically appropriate?"
- BOOBOO

"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed."
- Benjamin Franklin

I have just about all I can take. Oh, where are my manners??? Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year to All!! Now... how many of you have I offended with my lack of inclusive-ness?? Does the word Christmas terrorize, mock, or infuriate any of you? I sure as hell hope not! I had a nice holiday season... with the exception of one thing... people acrosss the nation are tying to make uniform a season that has for years been known as Christmas...Evidentially people of other religious or non-secular persuasions feel that by using the term "Merry Christmas" in public forum we are somehow excluding all the people who do not celebrate the holiday. What about people who don't celebrate any holiday?? Should we completely ignore the season next year so that people who don't celebrate any holiday at all aren't "OFFENDED" by all the merriment and well wishing?? Should we limit our usage of the term "Happy New Year" since there are other nationalities that celebrate the new year at different times of year? HELL NO!! This is the good old U.S. of A. and I say (Ahem...Excuse me...) Screw You, I'll say whatever I want!! I celebrate Christmas, and don't really know a lot about Kwanza or Hanukkah (I think they are sacred, and I am happy that our nation allows people to choose what they believe), and I think it is more offensive to pretend you are socially aware than to wish someonee a Merry Christmas... I think it is offensive to have changed the way a nation acts toward a holidaybecausee of a group of shitstirrerss (who have nothing better to do than find things to complain about) started talking shit... I have had Jewish friends over to my house on Christmas day before, and when they walked in the door, I didn't feel the need to wish them anything other than a Merry Christmas... and you know what, they said the same thing in return! I am not in anyway trying to de-value anyone's beliefs or holiday's...I respect all religions and beliefs!!! All I am saying is that all this Political Correctness is getting on my nerves....

I personally feel that we should concentrate our efforts on creating harmony between nations... At the end of the day it all means the same thing doesn't it? Be happy, be healthy, and be kind to one another. The words mean nothing with out the actions anyway. I may talk a lot of shit, I know, but I'm a sweetheart.

-Me

Turkey anyone??

2005-12-01T23:20:00.000-05:00

"Thanksgiving like contentment is a learned attribute. The person who
hasn't learned to be content we will not be thankful for he lives with the
delusion he deserves more or something better. "
-Robert Flatt

Back from visiting the amended family in DC... Gotta say as much flack as I take from them I really care about them all... It's the little things that Cootie does that make me think that he may have grown to care about me too. Like making it a point to tease me as he always does as soon as I arrive. As all who know me will attest, I am a great guest. I always bring a great and tasty treat... well I am known for bringing gourmet caramel apples... it's funny really... in my house we are so comically integrated... we make jokes and the entire get together revolves around food... at my best friend's house (Ms. R) it's about something different. Her family has a different dynamic... it's nice to be around something so fabulously ridiculous. A week feels like one LONG day... but each day feels like a week... oddly calm with no rules - anything goes... but be home before morning prayer!!

Ms. R.

My friend... my complementarily alternate ego (if that makes any sense) we compliment each other in the best ways... where I am crazy, she is grounded, and where she is silly, I am realistic... it goes both ways........ we are both beautiful entrepreneurial smart women with independent spirits, immigrant fathers and white catholic mothers... similar and different though... I can't explain the friendship... I love her... she is my best friend and I am better for knowing her!

Enough mushy stuff................

Thanksgiving was great... fun... and relaxing. It was jus the vacation I needed to rejuvenate myself... I highly recommend it!!!

An Inside Look At Me...

2005-11-10T23:25:00.000-05:00

So at the risk of sounding insanely taboo, I have decided to start a journal. I think it would be good to get all the ridiculous things out of my head so I can over analyze them and make myself feel like a neurotic maniac. Not that I actually think I am an actual maniac, it’s just that people always think their head is full of strange things – and perhaps proper scrutiny will assist my cause, and I will achieve true inner piece and full self realization. Is that possible??

Mr. K.

The guy… that’s right. Every girl has one in her life… a guy that you are just into. Nothing about it really makes sense. I am not sure how it happens. At first there is the attraction… anyone who knows me can vouch for the fact that I am totally hot for the beautiful type guy. And once I make up my mind that I want one… he might as well be a deer in headlights, because whatever I want, I get!! (Alright – I realize that totally makes me sound like a man-eater, but it isn’t like that) Anyway… I may love him... I just won't let my gaurd down long enough to let him truly into my inner world. Not that he isn't part of my world, because he obviously is... but if I admit that I want him to be my "IT" and he doesn't feel the same way, I have willingly subjected myself to pain... perhaps that is necessary before I can move on, and if he doesn't want to be my "IT" I HAVE TO MOVE ON!!!!!!

Is It a Façade?

I am polished! I sit with my hands placed neatly on my lap and cross my ankles and tuck them appropriately under my chair – ever so slightly off center. I smile and nod, and say the right thing at the right time in an over-produced, over thought out attempt to make people think that I am perfectly put together. Does that make me a phony? True, I do concentrate on portraying the right image, but when faced with the opportunity to act crazy and more my age (24), and Mr. K. thinks I act much too serious. This is probably due to the fact that I was in the middle of my most uninhibited few years of my life when we met. I was young (18) and thought I should find out who I was and what I wanted… and I had a lot of fun. I’m not saying that I was promiscuous or anything… I was just in need of a liberating experience… my parents had really been strict… So anyway… Mr. K. thinks that my seriousness is in some way a detriment to the amount of fun I allow myself to have… now I think I am protecting myself and laying the groundwork for my future… I think that the way I act when I am with him is directly related to the fact that I am getting old… yes OLD… I am not a carefree 18-year old anymore. If I ever want to achieve my goals, I have to take my actions seriously – don’t I??? Wouldn’t it make me seem completely moronic if I continued to make the same mistakes over and over and over……….?? OF COURSE IT WOULD!!! Then again I may just care too much about what Mr. K. thinks… which would explain more than we need to go into today.

2005-11-04T22:45:00.000-05:00

Ok... I'm pissed... I just wrote a wholeblog and lost it because of the damned spell checker being a friggin pop-up... how aggrevating...

To summarize the main point of the lost blog... I was on a quasi tirade about people who wallow in their own self pity...
Making a poit to mention that I am sick of listening to people who over-dramatize their situation in order to get sympathy from others... I HATE THEM!!!! I haven't the slightest inclination nor the smallest of desire to even give them a forced pulled in smile/nod (you know the one... you pull your lips in, tilt your head and nod a little... in a knowing way) I am ambitious and have goals... there is no way that I can ever hope to achieve them if I spent my saddest or hurt moments crying on everyone's shoulder... I focus that energy on my goal. I move on!!

-me

My Hiatus is over...

2005-08-22T13:46:00.000-04:00

Today's Quote:

"I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, After four I'm under my host!"

-Dorothy Parker

So... have you all missed me? It has been too long since I published any ramblings, and my fan base is therefore diminishing... fret not, I am back!!
I took some time off to gather my thoughts and decide what, if anything, has brought me to the place in which I find myself today. I used to believe in destiny... that there was some ultimate outcome that was pre-decided for every person... then after making some BAD decisions, I decided that destiny was for the weak... and that I am the driving force in my life... what I do directly effects what happens to me... and having made this revelation has opened my eyes to a boat load of lazy, stupid, fashionable moronic people who believe that regardless of their actions good things are DESTINED to happen to them.

PLEASE!!!!

The thoughts of predestination are infantile... Responsibility will lead you to do the right thing, and doing the right thing will lead to self satisfaction... and at the end of the day, isn't that all we have? Well... perhaps we have pop ice too!

-me

The nameless faceless consumer......

2005-02-19T14:12:00.000-05:00

Today's Quote:

Coddleston pie, Coddleston pie
A fly can't bird,
but a bird can fly
Ask me a riddle and I'll reply
Coddleston, Coddleston, Coddleston pie
-Winnie the Pooh

America is frequently called the land of opportunity... I always interpreted this statement to mean that in America you could become anything you wanted... as time has progressed however, I am of a new mindset. America is a place where you can GET anything you want. In a nation racked with obesity, how can anyone feel differently?
Our nation is conceited and greedy... And if you have been in contact with any media venue you know that merchandisers are using that greed to their benefit. Hollywood stars are the moderators of what is hot and wha is not. Yet we consumers fail to take into consideration that their opinions are swayed by the fat check they recieve for endorsing that sports drink, hamburger, or handbag. Are we so naive to think that they are 100% in love with these items? DO I need to remind anyone of the Britney Spears foible of saying she drinks COKE while being the spokesmodel for PEPSI?
You might wonder who the hell I am... after all I do wear Uggs, and carry coach, and travel with Hartman... yet I maintain that I do and buy what I like... because I like it...
... a fly can't bird, but a bird can fly...
-me

A friendship ends...

2005-02-09T17:59:00.000-05:00

To my friend... you know who you are... Good-bye

Whatever is said and whatever I do,
I want you to know I really loved you.
It was made clear... my thoughts were complete,
friends who tell lies are full of deceit.
You had my respect, my love and my trust,
but I thought you knew honesty was a must.
We were such great friends right from the start,
and saying these words is breaking my heart.
I don't understand why the truth was not said,
now the lies that you told resound in my head.
If you had just told me the truth... sure I might have been mad,
but the consequences wouldn't be quite so bad.
Don't try to write... don't email... don't call,
just know that the photos are still on my wall.
Not a day will go by when about you I don't care,
but time together never again will we share.
It didn't have to be such a quick end,
but I never lied to you my dear friend.
So don't look at me with those tears in your eyes,
you know how I feel about friends who tell lies.

-Me

My Adulterous Infidelity…

2004-10-26T10:18:00.000-04:00

Today's Quote:

" ~ Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive ~ "

-Sir Walter Scott

As many of you know, I love Pop Ice. However, I am ashamed to say that I have cheated on Pop Ice with…. Swedish Fish. I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame… the way the flavor is so simple, yet indescribable. The varieties of sizes… Now I am racked with guilt… my actions were innocent at first… just a mere snack one day, then before I knew it, I had forgone my afternoon rendezvous with Pop Ice outside my office building and replaced it with a 99¢ bag of the large Swedish Fish and a glass of water… They’re fat free you know! Not only have I plunged into lust for these sweet delicious fish, but my co-workers now have a desire for them…

Write to me... let me know that I am not alone...

The trouble with your kids...

2004-09-22T13:33:00.000-04:00

Today's Quote:

Dance your cares away, Worries for another day. Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock. Work you cares away, Dancing's for another day. Let
the Fraggles play, We're Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, Red.
................................Dance your cares away, Worry's for another day.
Let the music play, Down at Fraggle Rock. Down at Fraggle Rock. Down at Fraggle
Rock.

-Fraggle Rock Theme Song

Lets take a look at the children of today. I am horrified to think that 14 year olds are having sex and getting pregnant... the other day, while I was sitting at my computer, my sister told me that my hair-do at the time made me look like the girl with purple hair from jem and the holograms... not remembering her name, I googled it and came upon a website dedicated to the norms of the 80's. Describing in detail all aspects of 80's life. It occurred to me that children were different back then. Being a child of the 80's myself, I appreciate things like fraggles, and smurfs, and thundercats... where every episode taught you some moral, some lesson... children now have cyber sex, and watch adult tv shows that portray sex and drugs as societal normalcies.... and to be perfectly honest with you, it really bothers me!

I can honestly say that I love Mr. Rogers... That land of make believe was all I needed on a rainy day... Our FisherPrice kitchens had fake accessories, and to make them work we had to use our skills of imagination... we couldn't even pronounce onimonipea (I think I spelled this incorrectly), but hell we used it to make the phone ring, and the stove crackle...

I'll tell you this... my kids will not have all of this new fangled battery operated stuff. My child will play with all the vintage toys I can find on EBAY...

Maybe I'm just old fashioned... but what the heck... I'll dance my cares away!

-me

Rice Krispies Treats - Friend or Foe....?

2004-09-21T16:27:00.000-04:00

Today's Quote:

"In every generation there has to be some fool who will speak the truth as he sees it"
-Boris Pasternak
Ladies and gentlemen...... I am that fool!!
So Kellogg's makes these treats. You may be familiar with them... Rice Krispies Treats. Oh how tasty they are. But have you ever noticed how addicting they are? And the most horrific part is that they are not filling at all... you could eat 15 and not feel a thing (not that I would). I haven't met a person who can have one without craving them for days to come. They are like a drug!
So I've taken to carrying them around with me... I snack on them intermintently while doing other activities. Funny as it may seem, people glance in my direction with envy in their eyes, and when I can tell that they are salivating, I coyly look over, half smile, and offer them one out of my bag. No one ever says no... I'm a Rice Krispies Treats hustler!
Going forward I will be using them as bargining chips... you scratch my back I'll give you an Rice Krispies Treat! If you're every in New England and some lady tries to lure you into a web of deceit offering you no compensation other that 3 Rice Krispies Treats... you'll know who you're dealing with... a bonafide hustler!

-me

Cooperation is the plight of the inadequate....

2004-06-04T08:10:00.000-04:00

Today's Quote:
"....Come on Marge, be a team player... It's uter-US not uter-YOU!"
-Homer Simpson

I am not going to say that I think it's a sign of weakness to ask for help, but people who staunchly advocate the benefits of cooperation seem a little weak to me. I think it's very important to be able to do things on your own, and if you never cease to ask for help, who will believe you ever would have succeeded without it?

Now let me relate this statement to today's observation...
One of the things that bothers me the most is when people are lazy. It is my ever so humble opinion that if you have a job to do, you should do your best to do it well. You aren't employed to do things half-assed! This kind of work-ethic, I find, is common amongst people who are always preaching about TEAMWORK... I think it hilarious! Of course they would want to work as a team, they can't seem to any praise for their work otherwise. Perhaps I am being a little too broad... not all people who believe in teamwork are like this, but I know one particular person who is, and I have to encounter that person on a regular basis. I'll call this anonymous person Simon. Simon never finishes things to the standard to which I have grown accustomed. I like when my work is flawlessly, and Simon just wants to get it done. Due to the obvious differences in our style people are hesitant to work with him. This in turn results in an increase in the amount of work I have to do even though most of the time it isn't my job to help them... Simon notices and is always saying some crap about helping each other out... blah blah blah... who the hell is helping me out?!? HUH?!? People have said that I should notify upper management. But they already know and see it! I now am faced with the question of what should I do to make it clear that this sort of work environment is breeding hostility between Simon and I... How will that be received? Any Suggestions? I am seriously thinking about approaching Simon and saying..."Listen you lazy bastard, I am sick and tired of pulling your weight around here, you are heavy honey because you aren't my brother! I am not going to do anymore of your work, and if you have a problem with that, take it up with my manager!" And when I get fired, I'll still have Pop Ice!

-me

It just isn't right without wasabi...

2004-05-28T09:50:00.000-04:00

Today's Quote:
The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.
-Ben Stein

I would never say that I have spent my life being nice to people... it would be a big fat lie! I'm not always a nice person, I get angry, and I say nasty things. But, I have spent the better part of the last few years trying to become a more understanding and tolerant person... But let me tell you, I hate to be taken advantage of... and now that I smile and keep the comments to myself, people think they can step all over me... don't get me wrong, I am still sarcastic, but that s just my style...
Absolutely anyone will take advantage of you if the opportunity arises, and you let them. I know that saying something like that makes me extremely pessimistic, but seriously... it's true!
So my new tactic is going to be "The Wasabi Method"... Wasabi is a condiment that comes from the root of an herb... Now if you've ever seen someone eat sushi for the first time, you know that they always try the wasabi. "It's green, how serious can it be?"... is what a friend of mine said to me when I tried to tell her to be careful with it... but did she listen to me?... NO! and she heaped it on her tuna roll, and after swallowing it, I saw a big fat tear roll down her face... just one... but still a tear! I am going to be like Wasabi! Calm and harmless on the surface, but you better believe I'm packing a punch... You don't have to let people walk all over you in order for them to think you're a nice person... And you don't have to act like a hard-ass in order to keep people from treating you poorly... Wasabi baby... wasabi!

-me

Irony comes in all forms...

2004-05-24T22:38:00.000-04:00

Today's Quote:
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on.
Robert Frost

Let me tell you, at times I really have hatred for men.... how moronic do you have to be? IS there a quota of jack ass things that men are encouraged to meet everyday?!? I never thought it was difficult to treat people with respect, but apparently my ex-whatever you want to call him is too consumed with trying to get some random booty to even say "HELLO" to me in a civil manner. I think that is totally wack! You'd think that after spending 3 years being friends a hello is customary... but apparently I have more class than he does, and I shouldn't be insulted by the obvious dis-respect that he displayed... I'm a good friend to have, and he just put a damper on any future friendship we might explore!
As mad as I have ever been at him or any of my friends, I've always been courteous... Even if the friendship had ended...

Pop Ice anyone?

-me

21-May-2004; My love affair with Pop Ice...

2004-05-21T15:39:00.000-04:00

Today's Quote:
Reality is a delusion created by an alcohol deficiency
-Anon.

Summer to me is a beautifull time of year when you stay up extra late, but don't feel tired in the morning... Short sleeves are imperative, freshly picked vegetables are in abundance, the grill is always hot, and the Pop Ice is always cold.
I started my love affair with Pop ICe as a young child. The complicated simplicity of it's flavor coupled with it's conveinant size made it the perfect treat on a summer afternoon, and the perfect way to end a summer night.
Now that I am an adult and I work in the business world, I am expected to like these little things less, and eat things like... grapefruit... don't get me wrong, I love grapefruit... but it will never replace my Pop Ice... So, I bring a box to work... and I enjoy Pop Ice all summer long from the confines of my office. Sometimes I stand alone just outside the building... pretending I'm at recess, or on a very mini vacation. I'm not delusional or anything... I know that I have to go back to work in only a matter of minutes, but I close my eyes and breathe deep, and I'm back in my youth... running so fast that I thought my legs would fall off, ignoring my mother as she yelled that I shouldn't run with Pop Ice in my mouth... for pete's sake I might choke! And then as the last bit of juice is consumed, I sigh, and go back to the real world... Pop Ice, I will love you forever!

-me

Oprah in Africa...

2004-05-20T21:52:00.000-04:00

While I think Oprah is an exceptional person, I had one very poignant insight during the Dateline special this evening.
In one frame she was holding a little African baby in the air and saying "You're a winner..." All that I was thinking was that child who speaks no english is probably confused by the INCOHERANT RAMBLINGS OF A SELF-PROCLAIMED DIVA!!!

-me

20-May-2004

2004-05-20T15:43:00.000-04:00

Todays Quote:
It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have time.
-Tallulah Bankhead

Aggravated is the only word I can use to describe my feelings about it.... I've been trying to convince myself that its not a big deal, but lies get on my nerves as much as flies love a horse's ass...(alright, it's a strange simile... But you get the point, and now I'll tell the story)

A friend of mine (we'll call him Bob) was over my house the other day and we were playing scrabble... and he asked me to hang with him the next night... perhaps we would hit the bar... so I said yes... mind you Bob lives across the street. The next day he calls and says he is tired and doesn't want to go out or anything. I wasn't mad or anything... I had done my hair and make-up already, but it wasn't a big deal... then I'm walking through front hallway, and who do I see leaving his house?!?!... you guessed it... BOB!! and he was out for quite a long time... I personally would have appreciated him just saying "I made other plans" Lies are stupid! If you respect someone you tell them the truth!

-Me